What If?
by Yoda
Summary: AU & PS WiP. One mistake ruined Sirius' life, but what will happen when he is given a second chance?
1. History, Thanks and Summary

This project began over a year ago in the November of 2002, and then I stopped writing and began working on Year of Silence in a bid to finish it before 'Order of the Phoenix' hit our shelves. It left a sizable dent in mine (shoddy university made shelves, they were already deformed!). My thanks go out now to everyone who is going to be involved in helping this be what it is, and to everyone involved before.

With that in mind, thank you to Voltora, Giesbrecht, Eladriewen, Oddity, Imogen and Kat. And to anyone else, who may become involved, thanks also. Now on with the summary…

'The year is 1998. Harry would be 18. Would be. He's dead. The Dark Lord Voldemort is in power. Hogwarts is the last refuge left to the followers of Dumbledore. One last hope remains. A desperate plan comes together at the very end, and at the heart of it all is one man. The future depends on it. The future depends on him.'

Disclaimer: Harry Potter, his friends, enemies and all respective items and characters (beasts or beings) from the novels and novellas of J. K. Rowling are hers by moral right and legal copyright. All new creations are my own fictions by moral right.


	2. Prelude to 1998: Part I

**Chapter One: ****October 30th, 1980******

Sirius Black knew his time was running out. Seconds slipped by, not caring that they could be his last. Tiny noises made him twitch as he sat, waiting, watching the door. In the darkness, shadows hid his features and the tense look settled on them. Every light in the house was off, and wearing black clothes hid Sirius perfectly against prying eyes. Only the occasional twitch of his hand betraying life in the kitchen.

His wand lay ready on the table, near the twitching finger that was eager to begin the night's events. He would fight before surrendering, after all, he had to make it look good. That thought provoked a small smirk to cross his face as he continued to watch. How long would he live?

Not long after the truth came out.

Still timed passed, pressing onward with no concern…and then something changed.

An almost manic grin appeared on his face when he heard the tiny creaking of the porch outside the kitchen door. Someone had arrived, a silhouette of their shadow dancing across the curtains, surveying the area. Taking care to keep quiet, Sirius turned his head slightly, eyeing the curtains by the front door for a similar probing shadow, but none emerged.

A golden glow lit his face briefly as the Alohomora Charm unlocked the brass handle and the door swung open with a barely audible click. The door swung aside to reveal a figure swathed in black, a stark comparison to the skull-like mask he or she wore. Moving quickly and silently they lit up the room with a muttered charm, freezing where they stood at Sirius's sudden revelation in the glow.

Blinking in the sudden light, Sirius frowned, it wasn't just egotistical, but he had expected more than one Death Eater to show up. He might be one of the younger wizards fighting Voldemort, but with his friends they were a power not to be underestimated. A single Death Eater would never be enough to capture one of them, only to…kill...them.

Then, as the intruder levelled their wand at his face, instincts took over and Sirius snatched his wand from the table while jerking his chair over backwards.

As Sirius fell he saw a beam of deadly green light wash overhead, throwing his own arm forwards he conjured a thick red beam that slammed into the Death Eater. The powerful Stunning Jinx sent the Dark Wizard through Sirius's door, reducing it to a pile of splinters. The chair landed with a crunch and Sirius rolled off into a crouch, rubbing a sore spot on his back where the wooden rungshad dug into him, but that was only a fleeting concern.

Moving quickly out the doorway he was in time to kick the Death Eater's wand away as they sought it amongst the door's remains. With a scream of fury they lashed out with a punch at Sirius, their knuckles scraping the side of his head as he dodged the ill-timed blow.

His reply was much more effective.

Rubbing his sore knuckles, Sirius knelt down beside the Dark Wizard who lay among the slivers of wood once more. Blood flowed freely from the nose of their mask where his fist had struck them. Grabbing the skull mask roughly, Sirius found a purchase on the face beneath and held it tightly, bringing their face close to his. Keeping his wand steady, he jammed the tip beneath the mask and held it against the Death Eater's neck.

'You were supposed to take me alive,' Sirius snarled, 'why try to kill me?'

The grating voice that replied told Sirius it was a man he'd been fighting. 'We don't need you,' they spat, a trickle of blood flowing out of the mask's mouth, 'you're no use to the Dark Lord.'

In reply, Sirius tore the mask away from the wizard's head to reveal the battered face beneath. 'Why have I become no good to Voldemort?' he asked, confused at this revelation.

'You were, up until a point. Then you weren't needed anymore,' was the Dark Wizard's reply, his eyes delightful at the uncertainty on Sirius's face.

'What do you mean up to a point?' Sirius asked, confusion turning to a feeling of dread deep inside him. The man made no attempt to reply, but Sirius's wand sparked suddenly, sending a burning stream of red sparks over the man's skin.

'Up to the point where you were betrayed.' The Dark Wizard spat hurriedly. Despite the pain of the burn, there was an evil sneer on his face that matched the delight in his voice.

Sirius felt terror rise inside him, in one second he knew the plan had fallen apart. 'They're all going to die,' the Death Eater continued, his voice harsh and dripping with hatred, 'and there's not a thing you can do about it.'

'Wrong,' Sirius replied, the terror in him replaced by determination in an instant, drawing back a fist and knocking the Death Eater into unconsciousness. Striding quickly down the path Sirius shifted his motorbike from where it leant against the fence, starting up the motor as he did so. Ignoring the usual safety and anti-Muggle precautions he clambered on, gunned the engine and pausing only to grab his helmet off the gate post, he accelerated away and into the air, three names echoing in his head.

_James, Lily, Harry…oh God_

* * *

Behind him the Death Eater stirred slowly, groaning and wiping blood from his nose where Sirius's last punch had broken bones. Drawing a small, flat object he looked around cautiously, checking that no curious bystanders had emerged from the shadows. He needn't have bothered in the isolated village, Sirius's cottage was a full mile from any of the others.

Muttering into the square he looked up and around once more, then brought a hand up to his bloodied nose. With a sudden wrench he snapped it back into joint, staggering over the garden path in response to the pain.

He was still cursing under his breath when indecipherable words came from the square, holding it up to his face the wizard's features were lit by reflected moonlight. 'Black is on his way,' the Dark Wizard replied, his voice loud in the smothering silence of the night. The reply was as quiet as the first, but it left a tight smile on the man's face.

Bending over and picking up his wand he shouted a word into the night, sending a green spell high into the air over the house. Surveying his work the Dark Wizard looked around once more, then with a crack he was gone.

Above Sirius's house, an emerald skull hovered menacingly, a snake poised to strike from its gaping mouth.

* * *

Sirius sped through the air without engaging anti-detection charms, not caring if some Muggle was to see him, or if Arthur Weasley quoted some damned 'misuse of a Muggle artefact regulation' at him afterwards, that would probably be the least of his worries. Despite the roaring of his motorbike's engine it seemed to Sirius that he was smothered in silence, the cloudless sky only enhancing his sense of isolation.

Momentarily his head cleared as the sense of isolation overwhelmed his thoughts. Casting a glance off to his left he was almost ready to turn, until the Death Eater's harsh words returned to haunt him.

_'They're all going to die…not a thing you can do about it.'_

'Wrong,' Sirius said again, gunning the engine and speeding forward once more, heading for a break in the distant range of hills. Glancing left once more he shook his head, 'You're on your own Moony,' he said to the air, then roared onward.

Racing over the country it wasn't long before he saw the tiny hamlet of Godric's Hollow ahead of him, the few streetlights making it glow in the depths of the valley. Slowing down as he approached, Sirius's face visibly blanched, his normal complexion turning waxy. Most of the small town's houses were bathed in the semi-darkness, their lights doused at the late hour, but one home shone like a beacon.

'Damn you Peter,' Sirius said, his voice hard, 'God damn you.' Taking his foot off the accelerator Sirius felt the motorbike descend, still going at speed. Gripping hard on the brakes he swung the bike around as he landed roughly, skidding across the road leaving a rubber 'C' burnt there. He was off the bike before it finished moving.

Vaulting over the bolted gate he drew his wand as he neared the house's back door, icy fear filling his stomach. The door to the kitchen was ajar, looking at the lock he could see no force had been used to open it. Holding his wand steady he eased it fully open until he could see into the kitchen clearly.

Nothing.

Moving swiftly he ducked inside the door, blinking against the sudden light, without a noise he shut the door behind him, keeping an eye on the silent room. Holding his wand by his side he flattened himself against the wall beside the entrance to the dining room. Listening carefully he closed his eyes briefly and muttered a prayer, then flashed past the entrance with his wand ready…nothing.

Inching his way along the wall Sirius ignored the shifting backgrounds of the photos he passed, ignoring the muffled sniggers of the others as they watched him pass. Waiting beside the hallway entrance he looked back, his heart overruling his brain. Already in the group photo Lupin and James were mimicking his movements, broad grins on their faces.

Turning back, Sirius glanced into the corridor, still there was no-one. Stepping into the hallway silently he aimed his wand up the stairs, watching for movement as he edged toward the lounge entrance. Pausing by the arch he noticed the front door was still locked: _Let me be wrong,_ Sirius thought, _let it all be a mistake, they're just out for a walk…at this time of night?_ Gritting his teeth Sirius cursed his own mind's common sense, then with his wand ready once more he turned into the lounge.

Looking around he saw the fire burning merrily in its place, the flames expelling heat as they greedily consumed the stack of wood placed in the grate. The chairs and table were undisturbed, books lay scattered in random places, but with James they always were. Despite this Sirius still could not dispel the fear he felt, walking back out he lowered the wand slowly, glancing briefly back into the kitchen.

Sitting on the table, previously unnoticed, were James's glasses. The right lens was shattered into a cobweb of fracture lines, each segment reflecting the light that shone in the room.

Walking slowly back Sirius felt a shiver run through him, and as he stopped by the table his knees began to shake. A trembling hand picked up the glasses, intact apart from the lens. Looking around Sirius saw the lens cloth lying on the floor, almost hidden beneath the tablecloth that ran to the ground.

In his minds eye he saw James, polishing his glasses with the cloth, an image replaying a thousand times over in a thousand different ways. And dropping them, shattering a lens as they landed and bounced.

'James!' Sirius whispered, a crackle of energy suddenly surging through him. Dropping the glasses he turned and ran from the kitchen, grabbing the end of the stair rail Sirius flung himself up the first steps, wand held in front of him as he leapt around a corner of the stairwell…and froze

A crumpled body lay at the top of the stairs.

For minutes Sirius simply stood in the corner, leaning against the wall as deep, racking breaths shook his body. The tip of his wand slowly lowered with each breath. Slowly he began to move, his free hand pulling on the handrail to drag his reluctant feet up the steps, the other vaguely waving the wand in front of him. Stumbling up the stairs, Sirius moved jerkily, as if a puppet on strings, all pulling him towards the body.

James's body.

Arriving at the top Sirius noted the wand lying beside his friend, before his eyes wandered further he shut them, not wanting to see his friend's lifeless features. _God, let me be wrong_, he prayed, slowly opening his eyes to look into James's face.

The plea was banished from his mind.

James's hazel eyes stared into nothing, his mouth lay open, but no breath came from within. Sirius felt his knees give way as he collapsed to the floor. He felt his body folding over as it tried to contain the turmoil of emotions within him.

Sirius huddled beside his best friend, silently mouthing his name as tears fell down his face. His trembling hand reached out, and gently closed the sightless eyes as Sirius continued to let grief roll over him. Sobbing quietly Sirius pulled himself to the top of the stairs where he fell against the wall, his fingers trying to pushing against the flat surface for support as sorrow flooded through him.

It was only when he turned his face away from James's body that Sirius heard the soft creaking.

Recklessness overcame caution and grief, pulling his weakened body up Sirius charged along the hallway his wand held at the ready, skidding through the entrance into Harry's room. The scene before him burnt itself into his eyes and Sirius fell to his knees again, a strangled sob escaping his throat. There was a silent clatter as his wand fell from his nerveless hands, slowly rolling over the floorboards of the nursery. Before he could fall Sirius grasped the doorframe, digging his fingers into the wooden timbers to stay upright.

Lily lay on the floor, face down, as if she'd been turning away from a threat, her red hair covering her face from Sirius's view. Her motionless body told Sirius that if he turned her over the same sightless eyes would stare back at him. Tears continued to roll down his face as his body gently swayed in the doorway, each sob sending his body into a different motion.

Still on his knees he slowly turned his head to the source of the creaking, in the corner of the room Harry's cot stood, gently swinging back and forth.

Reaching with a shaking hand Sirius grasped the handle of the door, pulling himself up on wavering knees, his other hand still clutching the doorframe. Stumbling away from the room's entrance Sirius slumped against the cupboard, ignoring the creaking hinges as the cupboard door swung open when he stumbled away. Walking around Lily's body Sirius let his gaze drop to her as he passed, each shuffling footstep bringing a fresh tear from his eyes.

Tearing his eyes away from the gentle red halo of Lily's hair, he approached the rocking cradle, each step he took increasing the pain that tore though his heart. The cradle stopped swinging as Sirius put a shaking hand onto the side, feeling the smooth grain of wood beneath his hand. The absence of creaking filled the room with an encircling silence, even the squeaking door hinges silenced themselves as Sirius looked into the cot.

A mess of rumpled blankets covered the bottom, and in the folds and shadows he saw the outline of Harry. Two small hands had a tight grip on the topmost cover, resisting Sirius's initial effort to pull back the soft cloth. Gently manipulating Harry's tiny fingers, he managed to draw the blanket away, watching as the tiny fists clenched fully and froze.

In that instant Sirius felt his feelings die, his despair was so great that he could not feel anymore. No more tears fell from his face as it froze, a portrait of complete grief.

As Sirius aimlessly removed the blanket covering the baby's tiny body, a tiny gurgle arose to meet him, and one of the tiny hands reached out to clutch one of Sirius's fingers. Two emerald eyes stared back at Sirius as he leant forward, delighted at the attention Harry let out a squeal of fondness.

Sirius felt his heart soar as Harry grasped Sirius's finger with the other hand as well, the two tiny palms elatedly playing with their new toy. A smile of hope crossed Sirius's face, and a single tear fell from his eye, crawling down his face until he lightly dabbed it away. Tenderly pulling his finger free, Sirius folded the blanket around Harry once more, wrapping his godson in the soothing blankets.

As Sirius leant forward to pick up Harry a thick red beam of light shot out of the open cupboard behind him, striking his right shoulder. With paralysing force he was thrown across the cot to bounce into the corner of the room, striking his head on the wall. Pain rippled through his body, enough to keep him conscious as he slid down the wall to land in a tumble of limbs.

The crash of the toppling cradle sounded throughout the room, and beneath the noise Sirius heard purposeful footsteps cross the room, walking towards the crying bundle of blankets that had tipped from the cot. Trying to open his eyes Sirius found his head thumping, trying to put a hand to his head he found it unresponsive, a leaden weight holding it by his side.

Harry's agitated wailing increased as the dull thump in Sirius's head receded, and as his eyelids fluttered open he saw a green light briefly illuminate the room.

His eyes focused eventually on a black cloaked figure standing over the swath of blankets, their wand pointing down inside it. Sirius tried to rise as the figure lifted his head to face him and red eyes flashed in anger amidst a deathly pale masque. Sirius desperately struggled to move but was frozen once more, but not by his emotions. The figure lifted their wand from the cot and pointed it at Sirius's chest.

One pale hand reached up and drew back the hood of the cloak, and Sirius heard his breath catch as the face beneath appeared.

Pale white with flattened nostrils and blazing eyes, Lord Voldemort stood before Sirius, his cruel lips drawn back in pitiless scorn. 'You should never have come, Black,' he said, his voice a sibilant hiss, 'but at least you can serve a purpose now.'

Leaning over the cot Voldemort's eyes burnt into Sirius, even as feeling returned to his body. 'Albus knew you were their secret keeper, so he knows you are their murderer,' Voldemort continued, his lips drawn back over his teeth, revealing a predatory sneer. 'I hope you enjoy Azkaban, you'll have all your life to remember you failed.'

A scream of rage tore itself from Sirius's throat and he launched himself up from the corner where he had fallen, ready to take Voldemort down by force alone.

He never made it. The second stunning spell caught Sirius dead in the chest and overrode his already shattered nerves. Collapsing backwards, Sirius glimpsed Voldemort's cloak whipping out the door before a dark nothingness took his mind.

* * *

_'Hold him Sirius.' Lily said, holding Harry out toward him as she made to cross to the cooker in the kitchen. 'Hurry up or I'll burn dinner.'_

_'Lily, no…Lily, I'm serious don't…Lily.' The protests ended as Sirius found Harry dangling in front of him, his shining eyes trapping Sirius in his seat._

_'He won't bite,' she replied softly, steadily placing Harry in Sirius's arms with a satisfied smile. Harry's tiny hands wove a myriad of patterns in front of Sirius, tilting his head he became entranced by their movements. Lifting his own hand he ran a finger along Harry's forehead causing the baby to let out another squeal of contentment, his emerald green eyes darting to follow Sirius's finger, grasping it with his own hands before promptly putting it in his mouth._

_'You'd be a good father,' James said from his seat opposite Sirius at the table._

_'Hmm?' Sirius replied, still entranced by the baby in front of him, now happily chewing his finger with toothless gums_.

_'Would you like to be his godfather?' James asked offhandedly, wearing the same contented smile as Lily as she joined his side. There was no response from Sirius at first as he was extricating his now drool coated finger from Harry's mouth. 'Are you listening, Padfoot?' James said, watching the joy in his friend's eyes._

_'Hmm?' Sirius answered again before his brain caught up and he turned to them, his mouth gaped in sudden puzzlement. Both Lily and James were now watching him with mischievous smiles, but also with the warmth they all felt as he ran the idea through his head again._

_Looking back at Harry, a smile broke out over his face as the young boy gurgled and grabbed for another finger to chew on, 'Yes,' he said. A warm feeling flooded inside him, for once he would make a worthwhile decision in what he did, 'Most definitely yes.'_

_Sirius turned back to his friends and fear gripped him. _

_Where a hugging and smiling couple had been, two grey-eyed and battered corpses looked back, their faces greeting him with hideous grins as dead flesh tightened over their jaws. Sirius slid his chair back from the table in horror, clattering against the kitchen units as he stood, clutching Harry protectively to his chest._

_Sirius heard a strange whine emerge from his godson's mouth, and he looked at Harry only to find his eyes dead as well. Two small hands reached up and fastened around Sirius's clothes, pulling him lower to the shocking face before him_.

_'No!' he whimpered as the room began to spin around him and fear filled his heart. The dizzying motion sent him tipping him forward, into the dead grey eyes…_

* * *

'NO!' he shouted, awaking with a violent convulsion as he broke free of the nightmare, sweating and pale, his eyes danced wildly as he took in his surroundings. Far from Harry's room, he was in a concrete grey block, and by the feel of it he now sat on a wooden cot.

A dull throbbing made his head dizzy and with a shaking hand he felt dried blood matted against his hair where he had struck the wall. His other hand shot to his empty pocket and he felt a chill inside. His wand had gone and he had no idea where he was, in Sirius's experience just one of these circumstances was bad enough...two was worse. Starting to sit up he paused when raised voices echoed into his room through the small barred window on the door…he was the subject.

'I'm tellin' yeh, yer wrong,' a heavily accented voice grunted, betraying a gruff owner.

'Rubeus, _I_ know what happened, _you_ know what happened, now let me see him.' This voice was slightly calmer, but a controlled undertone of rage reached Sirius's ears. Despite the unusual anger that emanated from the men, Sirius knew them both well.

'Yeh can't see 'im,' Hagrid replied to Lupin, 'now jus' wait fer Dumbledore.'

'No, I have to see Sirius now –' Lupin began to retort before Sirius heard a dull thump like a sack of potatoes smacking the wall.

From it Sirius gathered Hagrid had hit something solid with his fist. 'Yeh don't wan' me ter make yeh wait, Remus,' he growled, and despite the tired undertone Hagrid sounded fierce, 'not tonigh''.

There was a long pause during which Sirius could imagine Lupin gazing into Hagrid's eyes, the two of them communicating a silent understanding…'Fine.' Accompanying this came the scraping of a chair, followed by the scraping of a table as the two men sat down to wait.

Sirius wanted to leap up and run to the door, shouting for his friends to let him out, but an instinct told him to remain quiet. From their brief conversation Sirius could guess what they thought had happened at Godric's Hollow. He didn't have to try the door handle to know it would be locked – they thought he was responsible – responsible for killing more of his friends.

And in a way...he was.


	3. Prelude to 1998: Part II

****

Chapter Two: October 31st, 1980

The key squeaked in the lock of Sirius's room, from where he sat against the cool wall he could see small flakes of rust fall as the handle turned. Slowly the door swung open and a thin slice of light fell onto his face, squinting against the sudden brightness Sirius tried to make out the face of the man who had opened the door.

But this wasn't any man.

Albus Dumbledore stood framed in the doorway as it finished swinging open, his silver hair shining intensely around his face. Two twinkling eyes pierced Sirius as he sat there, his face a mask of calm despite the rage of emotions within him.

Before he could say anything Dumbledore held up a hand solemnly, continuing to gaze acutely at Sirius. 'If I thought you had in any way harmed James, Lily or Harry we would not be speaking.' And beneath the composed face, Sirius saw fire flash through Dumbledore's eyes.

Leaving the door open Dumbledore walked away, the look in his eyes telling Sirius to follow him outside.

The large room outside the cell was the same concrete grey, benches and tables littered the room, most of them unoccupied. The others held a collection of wizards and witches, Sirius recognised most of them and the looks of anger they directed at him.

As he walked forward Sirius felt his head begin to swim, the wound there aching with each step, and a wave of blackness fell across his eyes.

Strong hands caught his stumbling body while another held something cool to the wound. 'Back off,' a deep voice growled in Sirius's ear and he felt the compress leave the back of his head. The rough hands put him down on a rough chair, as Sirius opened his eyes he saw Hagrid step back from the chair.

Someone's fingers snapped and Sirius felt chains fasten onto his wrists and ankles, another loosely held his chest so he no longer slumped forward. Through blurred eyes Sirius found the holder of the wet rag, it was Remus, his eyes the only ones beside Dumbledore's that were not hardened.

'Sirius,' Dumbledore's voice cut into his thoughts, 'we're going to give you a potion, please don't resist.' Nodding fuzzily, Sirius thought he heard Hagrid mutter something along the lines of wanting him to resist accompanied by the sound of cracking knuckles.

Another wizard approached Sirius with a vial of potion, held his chin and tipped the contents into his mouth, lifting Sirius's head as he did so. As his eyes focused on the wizard his entire body shook in the chair, rattling the chains.

'You!' he hissed, spittle flying out his mouth as the potion took effect and a peaceful slumber hit him, but still he strained against the chains. Sirius's hands grasped against the chairs in panic, 'You bloody trai…trai…' but the word wouldn't come out.

'Severus is no traitor, Sirius, and I don't believe you are either.' Dumbledore commented as Snape resumed his seat at the nearest table. In his daze Sirius noted that Snape's eyes were similar to Lupin's, not accusatory but still somewhat wary. 'In your own time, Sirius, tell us what happened tonight.'

Images immediately sprung into Sirius's head and he shuddered, rattling the chains around him even more. 'Was…waiting for…for Voldemort to come…'

'I knew it!' A voice shouted, 'he's in league with You-Know-Who!'

'Silence!' Dumbledore said, the whisper commanding the whole room to silence as discontented mutters began. 'Continue, Sirius, in your own time.'

'Waiting…' Sirius muttered, his head lolling about under the influence of the Veritaserum running though him. 'We wanted…wanted him to come after me…get him away…' a sudden sob broke into his commentary as a new image entered his head. 'Get away from Lily and James…Lily and James…oh God...'

'Focus, Sirius, tell us what happened.' Dumbledore's voice was iron hard and cut into Sirius's thoughts, destroying the images there and providing a brief respite for his tortured mind.

'Death Eater came to my house…took care of them…but knew it was wrong…should have sent more than one to capture me…wouldn't let them.' When he added this, his face hardened in resolve, and several people in the room nodded in agreement. 'Got out…took my bike…took it to James's…house looked…looked alive…'

Tears began flowing down his face again, but before Dumbledore could speak Sirius continued his faltering story. 'Found…found James on the stairs…just lying there…eyes were all grey…must have got Lily…Lily and Harry upstairs then…went back to face _Him_…didn't stand a chance.' At this point Sirius broke down completely, whole sobs wracking his body as tears flooded.

'Lily…she was in Harry's room…' he continued after his sobs died down, but others were crying in the room. 'Must have been…trying to protect him…Voldemort hit her in the back…think she was dead…God…didn't check her.' Out of Sirius's eyeshot Dumbledore turned his head to a pair of wizards who stood at the back of the room, both shook their heads, their eyes down-turned.

'Harry…Harry was alive…he was alive, Albus…' for the first time Sirius lifted his head. His eyes were totally unfocused but he still managed to stare at Dumbledore through the tears. 'Voldemort was still there…didn't see him…Christ…he killed Harry…he killed him didn't he?'

Lupin stormed forwards, shaking off Hagrid's hand, with a muttered word the chains fell loose from Sirius and he pitched forward into his friend's arms. His entire body was shaking with grief as Remus gripped his shoulders, 'It's not your fault, Sirius,' he said, staring into the grief stricken eyes.

'We thought it would work,' Sirius garbled, 'Voldemort would come after me and they'd be safe…they'd be safe.' The tears and sobs suddenly stopped, and his body went rigid in Lupin's hands.

'Where is he, Moony? Where's Peter?' His eyes were a blaze of fury the bored into Remus's own.

'Sirius, we don't know.' Dumbledore answered, 'but we're going to find him soon.' Walking up to him, Dumbledore helped Lupin lift up Sirius, his eyes once twinkling dangerously.

'I'm going with you,' Sirius replied, his arm gripping Dumbledore's firmly. 'Promise me, you won't go without me.'

'I promise,' Dumbledore replied, then he held Sirius tightly as once more he collapsed from exhaustion. Hagrid stepped forward, this time his hands gently took Sirius's form, lifting him easily from Dumbledore and Lupin.

Turning to Snape, Dumbledore held his gaze. 'I meant what I said, and Sirius knows it too – even if he may never admit it to you.' Snape simply nodded in reply, following Hagrid as he took Sirius to another room to sleep. 'Contact your sources, do what you have to – find Peter, Remus will help.'

***

__

'Where were you, Sirius?' James said, his grey eyes draining the life from Sirius as he stood over his body, his arm reaching down for him. 'You were supposed to protect us, Sirius…you let Lily and Harry die, Sirius…'

***

'Sirius.'

'NO!' Sirius yelled as a hand clenched his arm, his eyes were wide in terror before his mind caught up with him.

'It's me,' Lupin stated, his voice oddly emotionless, 'it's just me.' Sitting down on the bed he passed Sirius a glass he'd brought in.

'I...I saw James,' Sirius whispered, taking a sip from the water to dry his parched throat.

'You're not the only one,' Lupin replied, 'Molly and Arthur were up all night, so was Alice.'

'What about Frank?'

'He was watching Neville, he…he shared Harry's birthday.'

'Jesus,' Sirius whispered, shaking his head. 'I'll go see them later.'

'Don't,' Lupin said firmly, 'you'll only feel worse – or they will.'

'Will anything make me ever feel better?' Sirius asked, for a second the shadow of his old, wry self.

'Maybe,' Lupin replied with a grim smile. 'We found him.'

***

'It's not safe,' Peter Pettigrew grumbled to one of his Death Eater guard. 'Why can't I go to the Dark Lord now?'

'_Because_ it's not safe, idiot.' The man mumbled contemptibly, not even glancing at peter but continuing to survey the street outside. The house where they hid looked onto a busy street in London, bustling with Muggles, all oblivious of the war around them.

As if to emphasise the Death Eater's point about security a sharp rapping sounded on the door. Nodding to the second Death Eater in the room, the first covered him with a wand as he grasped the handle and twisted it slowly.

Another nod and the door flung aside, revealing a black-cloaked figure, their hood covering their features in shadow.

'What took you?' the first Death Eater demanded, lowering his wand.

'Traffic was _murder_,' Sirius replied, his face now dark and foreboding in the shadows, shrugging back his hood and drawing his wand.

The first spell caught the Death Eater by the window full on in the chest, glass flew out into the street as his body plummeted to the hard cobbles below. The second fell as Sirius's fist lashed into his chin, spinning the man into the wall, his head impacting with a large crack.

Looking up from the Death Eater's crumpled body, Sirius was in time to see Peter's cloak lash out the window as he leapt to the street below. Cursing under his breath Sirius ran back out the door and down the stairs, bursting out into the street and emerging into the crowd around the body of the first Death Eater he'd downed.

On the edge of the crowd Sirius saw two Muggles fall, screaming horribly, and Peter broke away, his cloak whipping through the air behind him. Fighting his way to the edge of the crowd, Sirius considered drawing his wand for just a second, then he gave chase, following Pettigrew into the alleys of London.

The chase was over almost before it began. Not knowing the alleyways of London at all, Sirius found his target didn't either as they emerged into a dead-end street. 'No way out, Peter.' He said, his voice even and dangerously quiet.

'There's always a way out, Padfoot.' Pettigrew sneered in reply, his lips curling back in a deriding sneer. It was there for just a second, then his face transformed incredibly, his eyes welled up and sorrow covered his face.

'Try it.' Another voice growled, as deep and dark as Sirius's, and from the shadows of another alley Lupin emerged. 'If you even mention their names I'll tear your bloody throat out.'

The soft look faded from Pettigrew's face, instead he spat towards the ground, the sneer forming on his lips once more. 'Why couldn't you just die?' he said in Sirius's direction, 'but never mind, I can change that for you.'

Amidst the trio of wizards, Muggles continued walking by, completely ignoring the men in their strange garb. 'Quite a ruthless bugger, isn't he Padfoot?' Lupin commented, darkly, yet amiably, to Sirius as they began advancing on Pettigrew.

In a flash he drew his wand, and the whole street exploded in a blast of flames, a shockwave of fire and noise that threw Sirius and Lupin to the floor.

***

Screams resounded in Sirius's head, screams of the dead and dying, screams of the wounded and screams of onlookers. A hand tapped him gently on the side of his head and a voice thundered in his pounding ears. '_Sirius, can y…ear me? Si..us?_'

His eyes flickered open and he saw a familiar face, blurred, yet somehow familiar. He felt a sudden warmth of caring, and a flickering of blue entered his vision as his bruises healed themselves rapidly. In a second his eyes were fully focused on the wizard in front of him, Albus Dumbledore.

He sat up hastily and black stars of pain exploded into his vision, swiftly destroying his vision of the elderly wizard. 'Your body suffered a severe shock, Sirius, move slowly or _I'll_ put you back to sleep.' Opening his eyes again, Sirius saw that Dumbledore wore a small smile, but etches of sadness decorated his face.

'For a second there…' he began, but instead he shook his head. 'That was very foolish of you both to do, but I understand.'

'Peter?' Sirius rasped, running a hand over his once-again parched throat.

'Gone, no trace – not even a finger or toe left behind.' Dumbledore replied, conjuring a glass of water into his hand and passing the small goblet to Sirius.

'He's alive,' Sirius grunted after taking a small sip and feeling the coolness sooth his irritated throat and lungs.

'Well, I'm glad it's not just me thinking that.' Dumbledore replied, once more wearing the small smile.

'How's Remus?' Sirius asked, feeling a surge of guilt at forgetting his friend for just a minute too long.

'After a lesson in landing correctly in a trailer of marrows he will no doubt recover, Sirius. But for now you and Remus need just one thing.' Taking back the glass, Dumbledore placed his fingers on Sirius's temples before he could object.

'_Sleep_.'


	4. Prelude to 1998: Part III

****

Chapter Three: October 31st, 1980

__

Sirius! Wake up, we need you!

'Lily!' Sirius gasped, his eyelids flying open as her voice rang in his head. Sitting up again, this time more slowly, Sirius ran a hand over his head. The aching had stopped, but beneath his fingers he could feel a ripple of coarse skin where the wound on his head was healing.

Low voices echoed outside Sirius's room, standing unsteadily he walked to the corridor, taking stock of his new surroundings. The walls were made of heavy brickwork, thick runs of mortar running between each block to hold it together. Sirius's general impression was that he had woken inside a mighty fortress, but there was also a homely feel to his surroundings.

It was then he realised where he was.

Unconsciously he began trailing one hand over the roughened stones as he walked down the passage, feeling the imperfections and cracks. With his eyes closed Sirius continued to pace slowly down the hallway, the first smile for days slowly moving across his face.

He stopped abruptly, his eyes still closed as he stood in the hallway, his right hand still pressed up against the wall. Without appearing to do anything, he turned and gave a section of the wall a gentle push, the smile on his face widening as it swung open.

Opening his eyes Sirius walked into the dark corridor that hid behind the wall. Still listening to the voices as they echoed in the doorway he found, Sirius stopped walking in front of another piece of nondescript wall. Running a hand over the surface again he stopped on a stone that was more or less right in front of him.

Drawing his wand he tapped out a small rhythm and two circular beams of light projected themselves onto his eyes. Blinking in the sudden brightness, Sirius lowered his wand then leaned forward, staring through the eyeholes which had appeared in the stone.

He was now staring into the staff lounge, at Hogwarts.

***

Quickly rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Sirius took stock of the gathering of professors and other wizards in the room.

He recognised some of the staff immediately, Professor Minerva McGonagall sat beside the empty chair at the head of the table, across from her was professor Filius Flitwick, both were in deep conversation over some matter.

A few seats down he recognised Frank Longbottom, an Auror from the Ministry of Magic, the seat beside him was empty. Remembering what Remus had told him earlier, Sirius presumed she was with their son, Neville. Continuing to scan the room he realised it was the explanation for a few other empty seats as well, Arthur Weasley sat by himself, drumming his fingers on the table nervously.

At the opposite end of the table, directly in front of the wall Sirius was hiding behind, were two empty seats, just fitting side by side. To either side of them were an empty chair, while a fifth sat slightly further apart, opposite it sat another Auror who Sirius did not recognise.

The discussions halted in the room when the door on the far side opened, but a second later resumed as Remus walked in, looking embarrassed. He headed slowly for the end of the table nearest to Sirius, taking the fourth chair which was on the opposing side of the table to the Auror.

As he sat, Lupin looked to the right at the empty chairs and Sirius saw regret in his eyes. Ignoring the curious gaze of the Auror, Remus reached into his pocket and pulled out a small photo frame, setting it at the two chairs on the end.

Sirius swallowed deeply as he realised whose seats they were, and his eyes blurred once more as he bent his head in the darkness.

A second hush in the room made him look back, wiping a sleeve over his eyes to clear the tears brimming there. Dumbledore stood in the entrance through which Lupin had emerged seconds before, wearing a small smile with Fawkes perched on his shoulder, and staring straight into Sirius's eyes. 'You have a place at this table, Sirius.' He said, his soft voice commanding attention in the room.

Without looking Sirius moved his hand to another block further down and pushed in a small gem that protruded inwards, almost invisible in the darkness. The section of wall he stood behind swung inwards into the room, revealing him to the occupants in a mist of lazy yellow light.

Nodding once at Dumbledore he walked to the chair beside the Auror and sat down, not taking a look at Remus or the photo on the table beside him. A second later he stood with the rest of the table as Dumbledore took his place, returning the nod to Sirius as he did so.

Avoiding the inquisitive stares of half the table as they sat once more, Sirius clasped his hands in front of him, tapping his knuckles gently on the table.

Only Dumbledore remained standing, clearing his throat before speaking to the table, the tone of his voice sombre. 'I thank you all for your presence here tonight. Yesterday evening we all suffered a tragic loss, for those of you in any doubt let me dispel the rumours. James, Lily and Harry Potter were all murdered last night, the latest victims of Lord Voldemort.'

'None of you would know any reason for him to murder them, but the same could be said for any number of people he has killed. At this point in time I would ask Sybil Trelawney to speak,' he gestured to a young witch with wide eyes, seated beside Flitwick. 'She has recently joined our staff here as the Professor of Divination, Sybil.'

With a nod to the Dumbledore she rose, her voice thin in the air and slightly nervous. 'During my…when Albus and I first met to discuss the position I...I predicted an end to this war. A child…Harry…he was meant to kill Lord…he would kill _Him_. I said the Dark Lord would mark Harry as an equal…before we had no idea how…Albus guessed he would go after him…but…'

At this point she broke down in tears, her large eyes welling over. Dumbledore stood once more, 'I failed to understand that he would kill him,' he admitted, the graveness showing on his face before he spoke once more. I do not believe Sybil's prediction to be false though, somehow Harry's life has had an impact, even if we do not know what it was, or will become.'

'I must also now apologise to Frank and Alice, for those of you who are not aware, their son Neville shared Harry's birthday – it was in this way that the child in the prophecy was identified. We did not know who Lord Voldemort would go after, and they have lived in fear for their son for far too long.'

Midway down the table Frank Longbottom stood, his face grave. 'Alice would have been here tonight but…she doesn't want to leave Neville. We didn't know Lily and James well, or Harry, but I know they will live on in our hearts, in all our hearts.' With this he sat down again, keeping his eyes down on the table.

'I am sorry to be abrupt,' Dumbledore continued, 'but some of us have a long way to go tonight after the meeting. The first charge of tonight's meeting, we welcome three new members to the Order of the Phoenix. Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Severus Snape, would you please rise?'

Lupin and Snape rose, but Sirius remained seated, slowly shaking his head from side to side. 'What the hell's he doing here?'

'Sirius,–' Dumbledore began.

'Have you tried asking him why Voldemort went after Lily and James? Have you?' Sirius snapped.

'Of course I've asked him,' Dumbledore replied, his voice waspish, 'why else would I put a spy in the Death Eaters?' In the silence that followed the two of them locked eyes, neither one looking away until Dumbledore spoke once more. 'Whether you can accept it or not Severus has been working with us for quite some time now, and I would ask you treat him with the same respect you show me.'

'You can ask,' Sirius muttered, his voice laden with resentment, but he stood anyway.

'The Order of the Phoenix was formed for one express reason,' Dumbledore began, 'to bring about the end of Lord Voldemort's campaign of terror. In many different ways you have all demonstrated that you intend to do this, some of you more than others. And in many cases some of our members have already made the ultimate sacrifice in trying to prevent Voldemort's actions.'

'Bearing this in mind, will you join us?' he asked, looking at each of them in turn.

Snape was the first to speak, a wry smile on his face. 'I'd like to think I joined a while ago,' he started, 'but that's not the point. I won't let you down, sir.'

'You graduated quite a few years ago,' Dumbledore replied, 'you don't have to call me 'sir' anymore.'

'Kind of difficult not to,' Lupin replied for Snape, 'I'm with you, headmaster.'

'If it means I get to kill him, I'm in.' Sirius said, his voice flat and hard.

'This isn't about revenge, Sirius,' Dumbledore interjected, 'if that's your only reason then I cannot permit you to aid us.'

Sirius laughed harshly before continuing. 'If that was my only reason why would I be here now? I'm not out for revenge, I'm out to kill him before he kills anyone else I've cared for.' Several of the Order nodded in agreement with him, with the finality in his words.

'Very well,' Dumbledore said. With a flick of his wand Dumbledore sent all the light in the room away, apart from the glowing feathers of Fawkes, perched upon his shoulder.

'Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix.'

In the flickering light of the feathers, Sirius turned to the photograph, to where Lily and James stood together, Harry snuggled into his mother's arms. Their faces were happy and the pain in Sirius's heart soared as he watched them. 'I won't let you down, I promise.'

'I promise.'


	5. 1998 incomplete

****

Chapter Four: November 1st, 1998

8:00am

__

I promise…

Sirius jerked awake, a bead of sweat running down his forehead before he pushed it aside with a wet palm. Sitting up in his bed he ran both his hands through his hair, rubbing his fingertips into the dry scalp beneath. At the back he felt the crinkled layer of skin where his wound had healed roughly, a constant reminder of the past.

Getting up out of bed he walked over to the sink and stared into his mirror, 'Some promise,' he grunted, it had been at the time.

For a while he'd even believed it, the Order had hit back at Voldemort, and hard. Sirius never found Pettigrew or Voldemort, but played his part in capturing several Dark Wizards with the Aurors of the Ministry.

Then it had gone wrong.

Death Eaters found their way into the Order, the first murdering Frank Longbottom when they raided a Death Eater meeting together. After that it was all Snape could do to tell Dumbledore a name before they killed, taking another innocent life Sirius had failed to protect.

In eighteen years Voldemort had gone from a Dark Wizard with some followers to the leader of an army. The Order had always been small, and now it was smaller.

The only place they could safely meet was Hogwarts, and what was worse, Voldemort knew it. For a couple of years now attacks had hit the school, pupils had been killed and injured, in the end most families had withdrawn their children from the academy. And as Voldemort's plague of terror had spread people moved to stay ahead of it.

The wizard population of England was one tenth of what it had been, so many families had left to stay out of Voldemort's reach. Of the remaining wizards and witches, there were few willing to fight against him, but there were still enough for Dumbledore.

Voldemort would not take Hogwarts.

Sirius splashed water onto his face, then looked into the mirror, his eyes hard and distant. 'I promise…'

***

****

8:45am

'He'll never take Hogwarts anyway,' Lupin said, listening to Sirius's monologue of thought at breakfast in the Great Hall. 'Dumbledore wouldn't let him.'

'And he didn't let him kill all those people?' asked another wizard, his voice raised in disgust.

'He's not omnipresent,' Sirius snapped, 'it just feels like he is, and so when he's not there that's when people make mistakes.'

'People who make mistakes end up dead,' Snape intoned, from his place alone at the end of the table.

'Apart from you,' the wizard commented, spitting the comment out in distaste.

'Yeah,' Snape said, dropping his spoon in his bowl and pushing it away. 'Apart from me.' Without looking at anyone he stood and left, his shoulders slumped and head hanging low.

'Anyone ever tell you your mouth is too big?' Lupin asked the wizard, before getting up and following Snape out.

***

'Severus, wait.' Lupin walked out the door from the Great Hall, hurrying after Snape but finding him already there.

'What? Ignore him?' Snape asked, his face weary.

'That for one,' Lupin replied, smiling when Snape grinned in reply. 'And don't forget you're doing a good job for another. You didn't kill those people.'

'Feels like I did,' Snape said, 'ever since Frank.'

'Alice never blamed you, and because of what you did she and Neville were around to say so, don't forget that.'

'That doesn't make it easier,' Snape replied bitterly.

'It won't get easier either,' Lupin said, his face stern. 'Not even after Voldemort's dead.'

'I...you know how many times I've been close enough to kill him?'

'Would you be able to?' Lupin asked, his eyebrows knitted together in concern and thoughtfulness.

'I've never asked myself that question,' Snape replied, 'and I never will. Until Dumbledore tells me to.'

'It makes you wonder what he's waiting for,' Lupin commented, looking back at the Great Hall as the doors opened.

'Yeah,' said Snape, and because Lupin's back was turned he missed the look that passed over Snape's face. 'It does make you wonder.'

When Lupin turned back Snape was already walking away, the hood of his robe covering his face in shadow.

***

****

9:05am

'Professor? Professor Black?'

Sirius looked up to see one of his students standing by the table, wearing an anxious expression on their face.

'What can I do for you, Mr. Thomas?' he asked, directly addressing Dean and watching him gulp in surprise at being recognised.

'We…er…we were wondering…are you going to come and teach us now?'

The question confused Sirius momentarily, until he looked around the Great Hall and became aware that he was the only teacher left there. In fact, the only breakfasters left were his students, all of whom stood by the doorway looking back at him nervously.

'What am I teaching you then?' he asked, standing up and facing Dean, who was by now regretting ever walking over to the table.

'Never disturb you when you're having breakfast?' Dean guessed first, prompting a grin from Sirius. 'I think it's Defence,' he added afterward, still looking apprehensive at Sirius's geniality.

'Why the hell are you looking so scared?' Sirius asked suddenly.

'Because…last time you sent half of us to the Hospital Wing, and Professor Lupin told us this week we'd be studying the Unforgivables.'

'Not as closely as he will be,' Sirius replied, the smile on his face becoming a smirk before he gave Dean a push in the right direction.

He had no idea how right he was going to be.


End file.
